Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Fuzzy NAVEL: Too Easy to WAIST (har har)

HedonismBot has been out of the loop for awhile, seems he lost his heart to a Starship Trooper. While not to exactly bore you with the niminy-piminy details of everyday HedonismBotic existence, it was a time of weepy defragging, alone in a Best Buy, clinging desperately to my Wham records.

Why do I find it hard to write the next line? I want the truth to be said.

Anyhoo, between the beeping and the booping, I, HedonismBot, spent the last three years perfecting the Fuzzy Navel.

It took me a lot of work and frantic flipping through ...For Dummies books, but I at last settled on a recipe for this most intriguing of vaguely girly-man drinks. To be completely clear, the last three years were a truly Campbellian exercise in The Eternal (Drunk) Hero, as I have slogged through Low, Middle and High Earths, Hogwarts, Duckburg and Eberron to learn the hoary secrets I am about to bestow.

But first, some backstory on the Fuzzy Navel.

Like HedonismBot himself, possessed of one of the fuzziest of navels, the Fuzzy Navel has attract something of a cult following. It usually involves two ingredients, mixed in equal proportions, to produce a shockingly smooth concoction that looks splendidly normal in the hand. To the unassuming outsider, the drunk of the Fuzzy Navel Cult might be assumed a health fanatic at best, a charmingly Dickensian eccentric at worst.

To produce the Fuzzy Navel, thou shalt procure:

Half glass of orange juice
Half glass of peach schnapps.

Notice that I didn't use the word "jigger" or "ounce" here. This is truly an instance of the Glass-Half-Full/Glass-Half-Empty exercise, which in most contexts is a terribly dreary exclamation of one's dependence upon the pop psychology of the Depression era.

And, while I'm loopy at 2:21 am after drinking a few of these marvelous things, it occurs to me that Professor Fuzzynavel would be a good name for a Hogwarts professor. Just a note, Mdm. Rowling.


Well, it just so happens that in my quest for the perfect Fuzzy Navel, I made a discovery.

Use only the Simply Orange with Mango.

I hate to be brand specific, but in this instance, this is absolutely vital. You will taste the difference. This I guarantee. Trust the Bot.


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