Originally Asked by Captain Charisma
What's the proper way to make a white russian? All these internet sites say something different.

The answer to this conundrum is simple.

But first, we need to ask a different question. "Why make a White Russian when I could go to the club (or cult movie fanboy infested bowling alley) on the corner and buy one?"

A White Russian is very simple to make, because it relies on three ingredients: vodka, Kahlua and milk.

Three parts vodka (1 1/2 shots)
Two parts coffee liqueur (1 shot)
Milk or cream or half and half to taste

I'm personally fond of a light, light, LIGHT milk addition. The drink itself is fine without the milk. The milk is there for the punning name (and if you don't get the pun, go read yourself a book on the Bolsheviks). That said, it's not my favorite drink.

As far as polite society goes, White Russians are simply verboten, along the line of a Blue Hawaiian or a Chocolate Choo-Choo. Be a man and drink some whiskey, you pussy. If you still want something sweet, you can't go wrong with the White Lady.

The White Lady is a cocktail made of

2 shots gin
1 shot lemon juice
1 shot Cointreau or triple sec
Shake or stir with ice.
Strain into a cocktail glass, and garnish with a lemon twist.

White Ladies are great because the very delicate flavor masks the (significant) alcohol content. My suggestion is to stop getting your cocktail recipes from John Goodman movies and start getting them at the old fogey bars outside the state capitol... find yourself a tenured Senator, offer to buy him whatever he wants, and let the good times roll, baby.